Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Twenty Wishes

Twenty Wishes

I have nearly finished the book, Twenty Wishes by Debbie Macomber. I've been crying all the way through, but then again, I am a "sap" for sentimental and romantic "nonsense," as some people would put it. I thought about creating a new blog for my own Twenty Wishes, but decided I needed to consolidate, not increase my burdens. So I am going to write about my twenty wishes HERE, even though I'm a little embarrassed to share my really private wishes.

I was thinking about it even before I began the book--the twenty wishes came up in some of her other books.

I used to begin each year with some private time to reconsider the old year and look forward tot he new. I'd write down goals, wishes, and sometimes "resolutions." I didn't do that this year because of the circumstances and then I was busy working on that fellowship applications and various health issues, family and personal. I am still having health issues, but I can't set aside my life entirely while waiting for them to resolve--they may NEVER resolve. So of course, that's my first wish.

Before I write some of them down though, I have to say this: I am a Gemini, and I have a "split personality!" It's split in more ways than one and we don't all agree. Some of us object the wishes of the others. They are either not fun enough or too much fun and not serious enough, for example.

The other thing I wanted to say is that I wanted to be over at Rolandale in the Hiker Kitty Room working on my new poem, but as usual, life has interceded. I needed to call Marcus Welby I mean Marcus Degraw, GB's pediatrician, to attempt and eleventh hour appointment for a sports physical for track that he needs in less than a week--but GB himself delayed the calling by asking me to drive him several places. When I finally got to call, they had gone to lunch. Meanwhile, I got an ACCEPTANCE in the mail for a poem to Patterson Review #39 coming out in 2011. They want the poem emailed to them ASAP! (I'm not sure what the rush is, since this is early in 2010), so I thought I'd send it off while I was waiting for it to be 1:00 so I could call Marcus DeGraw. BUT for some unknown reason, my email which normally works fine isn't working. I don't want to waste any of my Twenty wishes, but I sure do wish things would work right so I could do what I need to do and GO OVER TO ROLANDALE, dang it! I am, of course, very pleased by the acceptance, AND I have a new poem to work on!!!

Last night, I had terrible insomnia and was up in the night. I did not turn my computer on because I've learned that if I do, I may never get back to bed. I get too involved in all sorts of things. I did jot down the beginning of my TWnety Wishes List. Here's what I wrote:

  1. Radiant Good health--to be lean and healthy, alive awake alert sleep well
  2. To experience Joy and Happiness
  3. to write and publish successful books and poems
  4. to continue be in a special loving relationship with Keith and for that relationship to grow and thrive
  5. to build old friendships and establish new ones, especially to have a at least one REAL friend locally
  6. To become gradually more orderly, neat and clean. Clean House etc.
  7. To finish what I start whenever appropriate and to not overburden myself with too many projects at once.
  8. To be/become a fully and deeply honorable person as much as reasonably, humanly possible.
  9. To simplify my life
  10. To experience emotional healing and self-acceptance
  11. To have a working Psion or Psion substitute (iPad?)

That's as far as I got last night. But each of these wishes has multiple sub-wishes which I'd like to record, especially some very specific ones so I can tell if I've achieved them and celebrate.

I managed to get an appointment for GB while I was writing this, but it is during the school day--which I hate--and with a different doctor, which is sad. Of course, I got chastised for calling late and for not bringing him in since 2007. No one understands how it is being a stepmother. I get all the blame and none of the credit. All of the tasks and none of the love. Though parents of teenagers rarely get any love and appreciation anyway, I guess.

so, my wish number 12, which I expect will never happen, is this:

12. Adopt GB. :-( I finlled out all my papers and got all the birth certicates, divorce decrees etc, but was never given the info to get BB's and he he never got it either, before GB was 14, and now that GB is 16, he has a say in the matter and has expressed a noninterest in my being his mother. And he makes himself so unpleasant that the prospect of being his mother is less appealing than it was when he was a cute kid. BUT, it is still one of my wishes, one that will probably never come to pass, and makes me weepy when I think about it. I could go on about it, but I won't.

My email is still not working and I am WASTING my day trying to send this email, the poem that was requested, so, if it still won't work after I post this, I'm going to give it up and move on to the next item on my to-do, which is lunch, which I wanted to have at R-dale.

I will work on the 20 wishes later. I have real work to do.


Kass said...

You have so many blogs. It's hard to know which one to read. You're like me - too many projects.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

I definitely have too many blogs and too many projects. I would like to consolidate them, but it is a time-consuming project.

henniemavis said...

Great wishes! I want #1 & #6 for myself... ooo, and #7 intrigues me. On one hand, I want that one too... but on the other hand, I think it might be wishing away something that makes me really like who I am? Does that make sense? Tho I get overwhelmed & stressed at times, I like that I have so many active interests. You too are interesting in this way :-)

But yeah, you might have too many blogs, HA! (FYI, I only read this one.)

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Who's the judge though of what's too many projects? Only each of us ourselves, really! I don't intend to whittle it down to ONE or NONE!!!

But sometimes I have just SO MANY going at once! Or, maybe I just need a more relaxed attitude about it so I don't get so stressed out.

I don't want to change who I am, just learn to live a little more calmly inside myself.

Kass said...

No one's suggesting you change. Get it all out there, girl.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

I WANT to change without changing--hmm--I want things to be BETTER but I still want to be ME!