Wednesday, January 23, 2008

My sweetheart at the DIA

BB and I had a bit of a falling out last night over PB and the idea of
revenge. I am against taking revenge.

Sometimes we are so happy and loving together that when we have a
disagreement, I feel so sad. I wonder if he is really the man I
thought he was when I married him. I was so upset I couldn't sleep.


coffeypot said...

Revenge can be good. No one or no marriage is that perfect. I had days where I would love to chain ST behind the pickup and drag her for a mile or so. Maybe fifteen! And she has had days where she has really look at the shotgun with a funny look in her eyes, and she hates guns. Just let it run its course. Give him a kiss or a hand-job or something and everything will be back to normal; especially after he gets his revenge.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Yeah, I know no marriage is perfect, but there are certain things that seem important to me, like forgiveness and tolerance rather than revenge. I certainly go into rages myself sometimes. But when he is driving in a rageful mood, I fear for my life. He drives like an insane maniac, and no that is NOT redundant in his case. SO rather than going with him to get PB from Kaninchen, I just stayed home.

No More Empty Fortune Cookies said...

ah revenge... I personally subscribe to the concepts of Karma. So revenge, though thoughts of it may cross my mind, is usually just a passing thought. I too strive for patience, tolerance, acceptance, and understanding. My wife on the other hand, can become a bit hot-headed with less provocation than me. Often I am reminding her "if you take this action, it will come back to you, can you accept that? " I usually get a " yeah, but..." a few times before a resignation to the principals of keeping with good karma. I am always aware though that her decisions are just that, her's to make. Even when I don't approve. So I just remind her that her choices, although they are her own personal ones, affect me and my life because I am connected to her and ask her to remember to take that into consideration when making them. Example: your hunny's driving was his choice but it affected you.
Relationships are hard work but well worth the effort when you harvest the love that is sewn. Hang in there.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Yes, Karma for sure, what comes around goes around and what goes around comes around. I do believe we get back what we put out there in the world, and that love and forgiveness is always the better route. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm not, not by a long shot, and I get hot-headed myself and sometimes say words I later regret. But I do work hard at living a kind and honorable life. I try to always ask, What would Buddha do or What would Jesus do? And then I try to adjust my behavior to the closest approximation of that loving behavior I am capable of.

Since I believe in forgiveness, I'm forgiving BB for holding, or professing to hold, a belief that is abhorrent to me: that when someone hurts you, you should hurt them back twice as badly. He may have just said that in a fit of rage, but he has not taken it back or clarified his position, so I can only think he meant it. Maybe. And hope that he never turns that belief toward me. Or anyone I love and care about. Or anyone else, for that matter. Sigh. And I also hope I never do, either. I used to think I was an old soul and quite evolved, but I've done enough stupid and hurtful things to realize I am just as fallible as the next guy. And as BB is quick to point out, "The Road to Hell is paved with good intentions." I'm hoping that my good intentions helps align my behavior with what is good and right--but of course--I often fail. Sigh!

At least I slept better last night and didn't lay awake worrying about it like I did the night before!