Mixed Emotions

I am making what I hope will be the last meal of the day.  It's a stir-fry with one small pork chop, cleaned of fat, and lots of veggies.  The pork chop is left over from a few days ago when I didn't eat my normal portion.  Now, I am very hungry.  My stomach is complaining madly and vividly and somewhat profanely. 

Although it is dinner, I am cooking and eating alone.  We normally go out to eat every other week at the Coney, but there is nothing at the Coney I can eat.  So Biker Buddy and Piano Boy went without me.  Biker Buddy home and Piano Boy was waiting at the door and he almost turned around and left without even kissing or hugging me.

When they left, I was flooded with emotion.  Two emotions to be precise.  YAY!  I'm free, I can do whatever I want and BOO! I'm alone and left out and deprived and suffering terribly.  LOL!  Both at once. So here I am alone in the house, as I usually am a good part of the day, but it does feel lonely and sad because normally at this time of day I'm with Biker Buddy and Piano Boy.  It doesn't feel the same as when I am home alone during the day.  Weird, I know.

It's getting dark out.  It's very warm.  I have to say I prefer it this way, but not if it means polar bears dying and melting icecaps etc.  The reason I am mentioning the warmth is because I'd like to go outside--preferably in nature, and enjoy it.  But it always seems as if there is too much to do.

My food is very plain.  I would have liked to have flavored it with wines and vinegars, but when I tried that a couple days ago, I got sick.  But hunger is a great provoker of appetite and it makes food taste better.  Even plain food.

I used to be a vegetarian.  I liked being a vegetarian.  It seems to be the right thing to do.  Diet for a small Planet and all that, and normally, healthier too.  But I'm allergic to beans and tofu and nuts and dairy and every form of vegetable protein.  And contrary to popular belief, vegetarians don';t just eat veggies.  However, I am thinking I will eat more brown rice and veggies and less meat.  The amount of protein an adult needs is actually very small.  I am going to make the switch slowly and gradually and hope it works out.  The last time I did that, I lost enormous amounts of weight.  And I was energetic and felt great.  I hope it works again.

I also need to eat more slowly.  I've known this for years, but I always so HUNGRY when the food arrives I tend gobble it down.  Suddenly, that plate of food is gone.  Admittedly, I feel a little better.  I wish I'd eaten a little more slowly and savored it.  It was good!  When I am on a diet, it is amazing how good simple foods start tasting.

I am on a diet, but when I am done dieting, I want to make some small changes that will transform the diet into a healthy eating plan for life and not fall back into bad eating habits.  The concept is simple, but not easy:  fresh fruits and vegetables cooked (if at all) with minimal fats,whole grains, and minimal amounts of animal proteins.  Local organic foods whenever possible because it is not only better for me, but also better for the earth.  Sounds simple, right.  But here's what I can't eat:  dairy products (I'm allergic):  no pizza, lasagna, ice cream, etc, no chocolate, coffee, tea or alcohol, no refined carbohydrates (no desserts, no cakes pies, cookies, candy etc, no bread, rolls, crackers, snacks), no nuts.  It makes it hard to live in the world, at least in our world.  Which is why I am here alone and Biker Buddy and Piano Boy are at the Coney without me.